Even as parents, we can develop certain parenting mindsets that can stop our children from attaining that self-sufficient goal. Whether we like it or not, our kids will leave our nest one day. When the time for them to leave comes, every parent hopes that they have developed their kids to become responsible, confident, and independent as they are going into the world.
Parenting Practices that make the difference
Good training they say starts from home. The parents are the major players in raising their kids to be self-sufficient adults – they support them academically, teach them real-life skills, and help them develop their social and emotional intelligence. Even at this positive endeavor, some parents unknowingly adopt certain mindsets that can stop their kids from developing self-sufficient skills.
5 Parenting mindset that hinders you from raising self-sufficient kids
The five (5) negative parenting mindsets can crawl upon us without us knowing and can hinder the growth of our kids towards self-sufficiency.
- Parenting with fear
I remember asking my parents how they felt when they realized they would have to raise kids. Thinking about the responsibilities my parents handled when raising me, I became scared of being a parent. It is not surprising that every parent experiences this fear on that path of parenting. There is a part of that fear that is good, it keeps our children away from harm. The other part can hinder our kids from developing the right skills they need to stand on their own as adults.
For example, it is common for some parents to make decisions for their kids. One that I am very well aware of is parents selecting the course of study for their children. They believe as the parent they know what course will lead to their children’s success.
- Letting the kids avoid responsibility
Every parent wants to raise responsible kids, but some just don’t bother teaching their kids this – they make this comment that “they are kids.” Children that learn responsibility also learn teamwork, they also learn skills on how to carry out tasks.
A child that is deprived of the ability to demonstrate responsibility as kids will likely not demonstrate it as adults. Children can develop a sense of responsibility if their parents allow them to help around the house, most especially doing chores.
- Protecting children from failure, disappointment, and anxiety
It is never the joy of any parent to see their kids fail or sad, but always protecting them from setbacks deprives them of the chance to gain the emotional strength they will need to survive future disappointments.
When your children experience failure, use that as an opportunity to help them learn and grow. It will be nice to also share your experience on how you were able to overcome setbacks. This helps the kids see failure as part of life and nothing to be scared about.
- Refusing to set boundaries for your kids
While being in total control of your child’s life can be bad, allowing them a free hand to do whatever they want also has its negative consequences. As kids grow, they need their parents to help them tread the right path in life, without this they find themselves making wrong decisions. The reason why some parents refuse to set limits is the fear of their kids hating them, so they allow them to do whatever they want.
No matter how a child behaves when it comes to setting boundaries, they need guidance.
- Comparing your children with other children
We all do this. We are concerned about how our kids are doing that we compare them with other kids. We always want to know if the kids are getting the same grades as others, partaking in the same extra-curricular activities as other as well, up to wanting them to even get accepted into the same university.
One thing we as parents should know is that no child or adult tread the same path to success. Success does not happen in a straight line, rather it is more zig-zag. When we push our kids to partake in activities because other kids are doing it, we force them to take up things they do not enjoy. It ends up affecting their self-esteem as the kids start to feel they are not good enough.
Being a parent is not easy and in a society where we hear so many things, these mindsets can enter our thinking without us knowing. Once in, it takes practice to change them. We should ensure we purge ourselves of these mindsets so our kids can trust us and grow into becoming self-sufficient adults.
