How to Control Your Anger With Kids

It is funny how we think being strict with our kids will help them learn manners. Being calm is one of the best attributes a parent can have – apart from being caring. We all know that kids can be tough to handle at times, but one would still suggest we keep calm when dealing with them. Punishing, beating, and spanking children for doing wrong are all old ways of training them.  

Let me cite some examples from our childhood days.

We all have stories of how scolding and beating have affected us negatively. I am certain most of us were scolded for not doing well in a particular subject when we were in school. What was the result? Did it make us like the subject? Did it make us pass very well? Most of us became fearful of the teacher, and even when we pass, we did that out of fear so we won’t get beaten.

In the same, some of us get nervous with one of our parents who has always been behaving strictly to us. Have you ever wondered why this is so? Those days when our fathers are coming back from work, the whole house becomes silent with everyone in their rooms. This also created fear in us.

Likewise, our children will develop the same response to our anger just as we did when we were kids.   

How then do you identify when you are angry at your child?

It is easy to notice when you are angry at your kids, and even your kids will also notice the change in you once they’ve done something wrong. Here are some indicators;

• You start to yell at them, even at unnecessary things.
• You flare up at them when they make little mistakes.
• You get irritated at any slight noise they make.
• You might even want to spank or beat them at that moment.

The psychological effect of screaming and beating your kids

Imagine a situation where your boss is always angry at you whenever he’s around, won’t that affect how you work? Won’t that cause dispute between you two? You might even end up leaving that place. This same thing applies to your children. They will distance themselves from you.

If you are fond of always telling your kids how to behave when with people, you are turning them into introverts. They will start to feel that whatever they do is wrong. They end up seeking validation, even among their peers – this makes them give in to any kind of peer-pressure just because they want people to accept them.

Likewise in the same way, if we always punish our children for failing, they end up not wanting to test their capabilities. Children that are raised by angry parents end up growing to become one themselves.  

How to solve a problem with your kids without getting angry

Dealing with kids requires being calm at all times, it is not everything they do you react back to with anger and spanking. The trick is this – when you notice you are getting angry, just walk away from that particular situation for 2 minutes, try to calm yourself down. Then you can come back and address the issue amicably. What happens when you are calm?

1.   Be their friend

It is possible to be your kids’ parent, and not be their friend. Children relate to who they feel safe with. So if you behave harshly to your kids, expect them to distance themselves from you. But once you become their friend, you gain their trust.

2.   Give listening ears

Kids are attention seekers, so they might even do things just to get your attention – so you don’t react with aggression. Listen to your kids and get to know the reason behind their behavior. Teach them the difference between right and wrong, apply examples they can easily relate with.

3.   Provide solutions

In a situation where your kids are fighting over who plays with the toy, rather than taking the toy away from them, provide a solution where they can both take turns to play with the toy.

4.   Let them understand it is okay to make mistake ONCE

For example – if they had taken a snack without your permission, tell them it is wrong to take something without asking, and if they repeat it, you wouldn’t have any choice than to take away their snacks and candy privileges.  

Do you yell at your boss at work when they give you hard time or at your parents when they call you to help them with something? Then why do we get angry at our kids when they do the same? Anger only breeds fear, scold them gently without trying to put fear in them.